Who am I to deserve this?

     Wow, my heart is being convicted right now. I am afraid I have forgotten what a wretched man I was. I have forgotten who I was before Jesus came into my life. As I am studying for school today by heart is being twisted and I am recalling what an unworthy person I am without Jesus. Before Jesus saved me I was so far from God I would here his voice an laugh because it sounded silly. It went against everything I wanted in my life at that time. My heart hurts because I have, by the grace of God and his immense love for me been given the responsibility of ministering in the name of Jesus and I have forgotten somehow that I don't deserve it. I feel now much like the Apostle Paul felt when he wrote "I give thanks to Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He has considered me faithful, appointing me to the ministry." (1 Timothy 1:12)
     If any of you know me, I mean before God called me into ministry you know what I mean. The reality is I do not deserve to be living a life sold out for Jesus and receiving all the blessings that The Lord has blessed me with, a healthy loving family, great friends, multiple church bodies that support what God has called us to, but most important is His Love.
     Why is it that when we start serving Jesus we often forget that we do not deserve it! Could it be that we never thought it was something to deserve in the first place? Have we just assumed that we do deserve it? Have we grown so proud of our salvation that we assume we are good enough? Have we forgotten who we were and why Jesus died on the cross in the first place? Do any of us deserve Gods trust to spread the message of his Son? Do we really think we are that much better than anyone else God chooses to use?
     We are here, on this island because God saw us as faithful servants and for that I am forever thankful. The fact that I have forgotten that I don't deserve this is enough to show that I don't. In the words of a man named Charlie, "The more unworthy I feel, I more grateful I become."  I don't deserve this. I should be back home in Hamilton, Michigan living in my 1968 mobile home with drafty windows shoveling snow and waiting for 50 degree days. I should be working at a normal job, with a normal pay check. I should be back home going to church on Sunday and Mens Group every Tuesday night. I should be looking forward to the weekends, I should be doing the same thing every day for the next 50 years; but I'm not! Im here on an island where the average temp. is 83 degrees all year, I don't have a normal job, I dont have a normal income, every day is different, Instead of shoveling snow I lather sun block, on top of going to church on Sunday, we will be leading a Christian Basics class, hand out food to the homeless and drug addicts, travel across the island spending time with other brothers and sisters talking about Jesus and praying for each others ministries, spreading the message of Jesus to those I come in contact with, and what ever else God puts in our path. Thus by no means has come to be due to anything special we have done, We did nothing to deserve this. We are able and blessed to be serving here, like this because of God's unfailing love for us and his view of us as worthy and faithful! God is good and deserves all glory. When our time is done here we will praise him, when he sends us to a less pleasant place to serve Him we will praise Him, for God is worthy of our praise all of the time!

God is moving and some new things are coming into the light. As we approach the date of the class God has allowed us to teach the excitement grows. This weekend God has seen me as worthy enough to become an ordained minister of The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Why me? I have no clue. But I am excited for this new adventure and am thankfully accepting God's call on my life. Maybe its because Im just willing to say yes. But I know one thing, God must see something I don't.

We are all excited to have company coming this weekend. It will be nice to have others in the house for a week! Jennifers mother is coming at the end of April and we are all excited about her visit as well. We had some friends over for dinner from church Sunday, it is nice to have friends and people to talk with. God is making some great connections.

Thats all for now. I just wanted to make this quick blog. Now back to school work!